Think creatively. Think spiritually.

"ill never be bored in college..."

2006-11-01T02:25:57Z

1. How does the world see you? curbside prophet...thats pretty cool

2. Will I have a happy life? the general by dispatch...? haha

3. What do my friends really think of me? lie in our graves...

4. Do people secretly lust after me? take me home country roads...haha what the hell none of these make sense

5. How can I make myself happy? sleep to dream her

6. What should I do with my life? for this one i got "take the power back" by rage against the machine. maybe if you listen closely you can still hear the workers of the world? haha

7. What is some good advice for me? all you need is love (the nirvana cover) okay thats fitting

8. How will I be remembered? thriller by michael jackson.

9. What is my signature dancing song? from now to never by sparta

10. What do I think my current theme song is? mtv makes me want to smoke pot by beck haha

11. What does everyone else think my current theme song is? soul one by blind melon

12. What song will play at my funeral? green by west indian girl...wow haha

13. What type of men/women do you like? jill huber by oar. wow thats a coincidence

14. What is my day going to be like? what if- rx bandits

15. What will tomorrow bring? have yourself a merry little christmas by amy grant. well thats nice :)

IM SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOOOOOOO TIRED

jchap424 @ 2006-10-11T18:08:00

2006-10-11T21:23:05Z

oh man...in short, things are going well.

my classes are getting so much harder and intense. but thats good

a while ago i was feeling the worst i had in a really long time

but things have gotten a lot better. the past few days have been a lot of fun and its a confusing time right now but i know everything will work itself out.

meanwhile...the impossible seems to be happening everyday;

because everyday when i wake up i swear to myself that i am more in love with her than i ever was before.

hrm...

2006-09-26T18:43:51Z

okay so i was just filling out this huge survey, and then i was like..."this is stupid" i'm just going to write. so here i am. i am listening to this song by the smashing pumpkins that i really loved the fall of sophomore year and its making me miss home so much. i can remember a whole bunch of nights at geoffs house and prep games and spending so much time with brendan and sarah and the whole fantasticks thing...and listening to the beatles with andy and i remember this one day really well...when it was cold and rainy and the trees were tons of different colors and i spent the whole day with my mom. and i really miss her. i really miss everything thats passed, but at the same time i really love where i am.

i dont see where i am physically right now as where i actually am in my life. i feel like my life is really moving forward and this is just a very short interim period between an amazing childhood/incredible teenage years and where i actually belong in life...where ive always belonged.

things come with flaws though, obviously... my roommates can really get to me sometimes. theyre always immature and are always loud and are always obnoxious. and i realize those 3 adjectives can describe very well, but they never stop. they never just act normal, or are quiet, or stop playing video games. today i had the apartment all to myself for a good 3 hours and it was really nice just to relax.

so this weekend jill and i are both going home to visit our moms. she is going home to spend friday with her parents, and im going home friday, too, to surprise my mom for her birthday. she has no idea that im coming, and i cant wait to just walk into the house and see her reaction. i cant wait to just keep her company.

well yeah, so thats where i am. and thats what im up to. i think im going to minor in marketing now, which should be cool.

now tonight i am going to class, then im going to eat a healthy dinner, then study with nick and trevor, then finish my paper, and then talk to my Jilly on the phone, which will be the best part of my day because we will laugh, and she'll ask me what i'm getting her for her birthday and she'll make me smile. which she incidentally already did, because when i texted her and told her that i was frustrated she immediately called me to talk to me, which was really sweet, and she cares about me, and i love her.

and i'm very lucky to be where i am.

Well look who it is...

2006-09-25T01:42:55Z

Let me start off by saying, I love the Counting Crows.

Let me continue by saying I'm in college now. It's not so bad. I miss home. It really helps me appreciate a lot of stuff from back home being away like this. I do like certain aspects of it a lot. I keep myself extremely busy just by working as much as I can. I'm still the same person. College has not taken that from me, haha. I feel like personally I've already grown a lot in my faith, but...well, yeah. That's kind of hard to convey over Livejournal, though. I see how people let themselves get tested here, though. A friend told me before coming here that it can be extremely trying sometimes and it can really test you, but if you apply yourself then you can grow a lot closer to God, and in my own way, I really think I have.

So there's that... then there is class. I like it. It's interesting.

I really miss my family. I miss little things about home, and even high school.

My roommates are good, but monotonous.

I'm really happy, and fulfilled.

I get to see Jill, and I feel like we're even closer. I miss her a lot when I'm not with her, but it makes those times we're together...just so...completely indescribable. I feel so clearheaded when I'm with her, and I just feel like it's where I'm supposed to be. It finally justifies every strong emotion current I've felt for the girl over the last 6 months. It's so real, and is a rush, and she makes me passionate about... the future...and I see her there...and she inspires me, and I'm rambling, but she takes care of me in her own special way. And I love how people here, who barely know me, see who I am when I'm with her and they understand what we are.

I love her very much, and I just spent an absolutely amazing weekend with her. We spent nights out on the town and hours in stores shopping and I love buying her things and I can't wait to adorn her with little blue boxes one day. Haha.

Oh there's more but it's not as important as any of this, so I believe I'll just go... for now...It's been a while, LJ, but I promise to write more. I do. I promise.

jchap424 @ 2006-08-25T13:27:00

2006-08-25T16:43:34Z

I'm going to miss her so much.

See you and me, have a better time than most can dream of...

2006-08-17T17:53:56Z

Oh boy... so I have not taken time lately to sit down and collect my thoughts and write, nor have I taken time to lay back and just listen to God... So, that is what I did today...

I did this for a few reasons. The first being that I had the time, but the second reason being much more immediate, and that is I have been feeling so desperate, and helpless, and frantic lately... I needed to gain composure and hold onto something and just figure stuff out.

Everyone has been talking about it, or writing it, or worst of all feeling it... and I have been sitting idly by taking it all in...

Brit left.

This statement is pretty simple, but it holds a lot of value for a lot of people. It was the start of my feeling helpless, and the start of me feeling like I was losing everything that I had built. It all started to unravel... or at least I thought I did...

The fact is six months ago, I had no idea who Brittany Hissey was, so then why does it matter so much? Well... it matters because last March started what I can honestly say has been the best time in my life... ever. This May started what has been the best summer I've ever had... and it's all because of who was there.

I don't think I have ever invested as much seriousness or emotion in relationships as I have this past summer... and the rewards have seemed so endless. So many beautiful, wonderful people have come into my life, and I have realized the worth and value of a lot of people who have always been there who I've never appreciated before... And investing so much has led to finding so much happiness just being with other people.

The fact is... I've been so happy because everything finally clicked.

I feel like my family has grown...

I feel like I have gained this amazing, new group of best friends who I have such an incredible time with... I've really met some really new and amazing people who I refuse to let go of...

I feel like my best friends who have always been there... well, I feel like we are at a point now that is so beyond friendship, and I'm so thankful for them...

I feel like I have found the love of my life, the one person who I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with, the one person who can always make me laugh... and I couldn't ask for more...

I could not ask for more than this, and I feel like in the past I've been to pacified when it's come to friends when we're far apart... Like, I feel like before I would just let things be, and whatever happened, that was fine... But this year it's something different...

I intend to hold onto these people and my relationships with them for as long as I can.

This summer, everything clicked. I know what home is. I know who the people are who make it home. I know where to find home, and I'm never going to leave.

Brit left.
Brendan left today.
Guv will leave on Monday.
Jill will leave next Friday.
I'll leave September 3rd.

We can leave, but knowing where home is... knowing who home is... means we can and will always come back, and I can't wait for that. I love these people, and this place, and that won't change, ever. Nothing will ever replace this place, or the people here...

and I guess the only way to end this is by saying...

Brittany Hissey, you can leave, but the fact that you are my girlfriend's best friend, and you are judging me at a Prep hockey game and seeing if I'm good enough for Jill will never change... and neither will how much I love my girlfriend, all my best friends, and my family, and my home.

I can't wait for a beautiful best friend clique Thanksgiving dinner...

how many special people change?

2006-08-11T04:47:52Z

Best
1. Male friend: Roger, Brendan, Guv
2. Female friend: Jill
3. Vacation: Puerto Rico '04 was pretty crazy
4. Day of the Week: they're all great

Worst
1. Time of day: 4:18 am
2. Day of the Week: ...eh
3. Food: ...authentic mexican
4. Memory: when i swam with dolphins in barbados... it involved honey, leather straps, and a pony costume.

Last
1. Person you saw: Jilly Bean
2. Talked to on the phone: Talking to Jill right now...
3. Text: JILL JILL JILL
4. Imed: yo iza.
5. Messaged over myspace: mike or jill...oh how i love...them.

Today
1. What are you doing now: talking to jill i already told you!
2. Better than yesterday? AW HELL NO. everyday is a good day :)

Tomorrow
1. Is: friday
2. Dislikes about tomorrow: 7pm deal

Favorite
1. Number: 13
2. Song: i am the walrus
3. Color: green or blue
4. Season: i love them all

Currently
1. Missing someone: of course.
2. Mood: tired/missing someoneee
3. Wanting: a hang glider

True or False:

I am a cuddler: true

I am a morning person: false kind of...it depends

I am a perfectionist: im an idealist

I am an only child: sort of

I am currently in my pajamas: false

I am currently suffering from a broken heart: haha TRUE JILL HOW COULD YOU?

I am addicted to myspace: not at all.

I am very shy around the opposite gender: ...i dont feel comfortable

I can be paranoid at times: false

I currently regret something that i've done: dolphins in barbados anyone?

When I get mad (or scared), I swear frequently: ...i dont know

I enjoy country music: false......I LOVE COUNTRY MUSIC. and thats true.

I enjoy jazz music: love it

I love smoothies: i love jambas.

I enjoy talking on the phone: with the right person (ahem, fancy)...not generally though

I have a hidden talent: i can lick my elbow while keeping my legs behind my head

I have a tendency to fall for the "wrong" girl/guy: false.

I have all my grandparents: who?

I have at least one brother or sister: yes.

I have changed a diaper: uhh...hm...uhh,..JILLLLLLLLL COME DO THISSS?

I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor: haha not everyone understands why gavinas are so funny...ill give you that.

I have broken a bone: false

I have changed a lot over the past year: TRUE. and i love it.

I have had major/minor surgery: false

I have had my hair cut within the last 2 months: well just a "dusting" and i dont think ill really get it cut in a while :((((((((((((((((((( <-fat or just sad?

I have had the cops called on me: trueeeee fuck the lapd

im the luckiest.

2006-07-31T04:25:26Z

ill write more soon, but just for now...

jill came over tonight...we ordered a feast from dominoes and watched friends on dvd for the whole night while we just cuddled on the couch and spent time with each other and laughed and told each other stories... and we just...

...my girlfriend is better than yours.

landed.

2006-07-28T03:49:01Z

well well well... i really didnt know how this entry will turn out, so im just going to write...and we can start with...i have been thinking a lot of the laramie project lately. really missing it. thats weird... but i heard chariot the other day, and then once again tonight and i just really liked the way it was done. the truth is i really miss trevor, and not having ms masse around really can hit you hard sometimes... but trevor is as always doing his own thing and sarah is having a blast where she is and i couldnt be happier for her. i really couldnt.

and then brendan of course. i miss him...

hes a bastard. he makes $15 an hour for eating ice cream and watching movies.

oh but i love him. i miss stupid little things. i miss my auto shottie spot more than anything. thats a lie. i miss running my fingers through his black hair...uh..i mean jills black hair. yeah. uhhh...

so speaking of the little princess haha... someone came over tonight looking quite cute. actually... she was beyond cute... she got her haircut and looked so pretty :)

so we went for an absolutely excellent seafood dinner... talked about christianity...

and then came home for a little thing i like to call the world series of pop culture.

we also did some talking too... and thinking about it makes me really happy... it just feels good. have you ever felt...so amazing that its indescribable... just because you know a person...and just because they are in your life? the thing is...its just something that i know. i know we are meant to be... and everything we talked about tonight just made me feel really good. thinking about it...makes me want to write something beautiful... it makes me want to write something that the world will read and suddenly say to themselves "thats incredible"... or just realize we are in love and realize how deep it goes. its beyond a relationship, and feels like she is just a part of me... now...i want to write those things... but then i think to myself and i really dont need to. i particularly care what the world knows about she and i...all i really care about is just that i know how she feels and she knows how i feel and were together... i just love and want to make her happy and grow with her and take care of her...and to find someone who inspires feelings like that, well thats something that you hold onto. i love what we have and i love...her.

haha baby its going to be easier than...arriana. :)

jchap424 @ 2006-07-19T22:07:00

2006-07-20T01:24:50Z

the lost entries... now published:

LIKE A ROLLING STOOOONE.

2006-07-18T04:05:49Z

alright xjournal you stupid fucking application you totally screwed me over with all the entries ive been trying to write... so tomorrow i will post all the post-london entries that were FOR SOME REASON SAVED AS DRAFTS!...?!?!?!?!?!?

ALRIGHT CHECK IT...

jilly is home. and im the happiest man in the world.

ever since shes been home things have just been... better.

the first day she was home was great and then we went to care and brits party which was really really awesome and then jill just came over for the night

and it was just such a great amazing night.

i cant describe how wonderful it is just being with her and knowing shes in my life.

and im really excited for so many reasons about this weekend...I SURE HOPE JILL HAS THE TICKETS.

three days since the living room

2006-06-29T04:57:28Z

these guys are so under-rated.

yesterday i saw jilly, of course. we spent time just playing sudoku which is the best time in the world... and then we talked for a few hours at starbucks... it was nostalgic of chat and chew... full of those moments when you have to take a step back and realize how lucky you are to be sitting with that person. AND THEN WHO DO YOU THINK WALKED IN?!? it was mike and brit! it was so exciting and we all sat and talked and laughed. that was awesome. and then we went to carolines, where the fun continued... but we talked about all driving up to boston for a day to visit mike, and then us all going to 6 flags and that would really be such a great time... but now onto today...

today was wonderful... it was a day that meant so much and was full of what i thought were so many beautiful moments. it was the epitome of how in love we are. it embodied everything we feel for each other. today from 9 am to almost 12 am i spent the entire day with my best friend, and my girlfriend, and the girl i love more than anything. we spent time laughing and talking and sharing the most special things and looking at houses and just enjoying each other. no one has ever done this in my life before. god has brought this woman to me and everything about her is amazing. i have never felt so understood or comfortable or... just happy to be with someone else...and i am. i am so happy. nothing can compare to the time we spend together.

nothing.

and now i am doing last minute for London, England. I mean this has been... a dream of mine for my entire life. It will be a wonderful trip... but I am going to miss you... but everything will be okay and we will all be home soon and we will spend amazing time together. In actuality... the best of the summer has yet to even happen, and nothing makes me smile more than that... well except for this one tall girl, but besides her... NOTHING MAKES ME SMILE AS MUCH AS THAT.

okay.

jill, i love you.
i love you so much.
:)

cheers, america.

if you were here things would be more magical if i were there it would be way more radical

2006-06-26T17:54:59Z

okaaaay im bored. and so this means im here updating my livejournal... FINALLY.

this is happening... RIGHT NOW!

andthen242 (2:19:49 PM): how are you??
jchap424 (2:20:29 PM): missing your hairless prepubescent body
andthen242 (2:20:39 PM): ....
andthen242 (2:20:53 PM): sounds good
jchap424 (2:21:05 PM): sorry i thought this was paul
jchap424 (2:21:33 PM): im actually liking the new saves the day a lot finally
andthen242 (2:22:02 PM): even with all of the talk of ripping out eyes and lungs and such?
jchap424 (2:22:47 PM): yeah
andthen242 (2:22:59 PM): good.

so that sums up everything. yeah. good entry.

just kidding.

oh im just bored right now but ive got to go do stuff for my mom... ive been spending as much time with my jilly as i can lately and that has of course been awesome. i really miss her right now but i will see her later which is good. i have no idea what im going to do for a whole 2 weeks without her at all. i cant even fathom how much that is just going to fucking hurt. anyways... uhh we dont have to think about that right now.

i'm just realizing how much i really do love jill. im standing by in awe of how much i have learned to solely and completely love everything about another human being. thinking about 2 weeks without the most important person in my life is scary...but for now i can just think about watching the most beautiful girl in the world play sudoku on her bed later and hoping that i never have to go home.

i realized things with the end arent as bad as i started to think in block island. it was just the amount of substance that we abused really overshadowed us just spending time together. i think things have changed and we can never replace the way they used to be before they all went to college... but through talking to guv more lately and missing seeing him everyday, to hanging out as much as i have with loya lately, and to really missing joe too, have made me feel better about that stuff. its different but thats okay. they really are great people.

im going to london on friday and im stoked. its going to be a lot of fun to spend time with brendan and my family. i know theyre going to drink a lot... or at least get completely destroyed one night, but i think ill take it easy because this is a trip i really want to remember for the rest of my life.

in fact i would really like to remember this time in my life as perfectly as i can for the rest of my life.

this already, for the smallest...and the biggest of reasons, has been the best summer ever.

dont you read moti?

2006-06-20T06:09:46Z

oh okay so ive been busy... a lot of places, a lot happening of course

but for now let me just say

my girlfriend is so amazing.

we could last forever, we could step into the sun

2006-06-07T03:54:21Z

oh wow. i havent updated in forever and i couldnt do anything justice... lets see.... prom, the last week of school, graduating, nights on the beach making smores with my best friends... and nights on the beach on a blanket cuddling with jill to stay warm while we watch the sunset... its a good life. its a great life. things... remain amazing.

i am learning now, as im getting so much closer with people that i really have some amazing best friends who i never really had found until the past couple months but people like chris and jack and rob and tom and geoff and rasheem... theyre just such great people.

and just to say whats on my mind because... well, its on my mind above anything else... i have an absolutely incredible relationship and my girlfriend is... so beautiful in so many ways. she is so amazing.

yeah. :)

jchap424 @ 2006-05-22T20:26:00

2006-05-22T23:44:53Z

yawn yawn yawn. i just woke up. taking a nap seemed like such a good idea, but honestly i feel so gross now... i slept for like 2 hours which i know you are not supposed to do when you nap, and my body probably could have kept on sleeping until 6 tomorrow morning. healthy, i know. so where have i been?

hrm... last week was a blur. i was getting over my cold, and making trips to a liquor store/doctors office with jilly in the afternoons... haha... but then friiiiday the princess came to fairfield! yes im talking about julie!!!! powfhpowf it had been so long since i last saw her and i just... oh wait. okay so i met the infamous julie which was great. she was awesome, she really was and i hung out the rest of the night with jill and julie and brit and stephanie too and it was just really great. we seriously had so much fun on friday night... and i dont know, it was just really really awesome. it was so funny, and the people there were so great. and i loved it. and then saturday was pretty much a big repeat of friday except brittany had to leave early. that was sad. :( you know the more i get to know brit the more i wish i met her before i met jill... i just feel like things would have been different... JUST KIDDING. (oh man jill, brit totally asked me to say that) no but that brit, she's just great. i can't wait to share a sleeping bag with her on friday night.

oh and that reminds me friday is prom. its going to be so much fun. thats all there is to say.

i didnt realize it but i only have 4 days of school left. that is so weird to me. i'm only in high school for four more days. socially i am not worried... i have the whole summer to spend time with the people that i love... and the rest of my life for those people, too. i'm not worried about that. it's just... i'm going to miss the mere privilege of going to that school everyday. i really just... am. theres no way to describe what it feels like to be losing that. but it's time. and i know it will never really leave me... or i wont leave it. i mean, hey, there will come a day when my sons are going there with brendans sons and it will happen all over again. i regret not being as involved as i could have been considering how much i love the place. the truth is though, i am good friends with kids who are... only freshmen... so for the next four years at least i can go back and see them, and trevor will always be there... so... i'm really not leaving. not at all. things will be different, but i know that element will always be the same... for the rest of my life. prep is going to be a huge part of my life, no matter where i am. now, it's on to emerson, and it's time to start doing what i've always promised myself... i just hope i can.

what a crazy, crazy time.

jchap424 @ 2006-05-14T20:15:00

2006-05-14T23:35:14Z

i am so lucky basically becauseee... my girlfriend is incredible.

okay i have seriously have had the best few days of my life.

thursday i got really sick, but that was fine because i skipped school to stay at the quick center all day and then that night i hung out with brendan and sarah and jill and brittany and we went to the prep play which was... a catastrophe. anyways...

i stayed home from school the next day and mostly slept the day away but thennn jilly came to visit me! and she brought my birthday gifts and they were... perfect, and funny, and she she made me a compilation cd that is seriously... the best mix i have ever received. she has amazing taste in music. also she made me a card that is just... its wonderful.

and then yesterday i felt a lot better and it was birthday and brendan and carrie and roger surprised me with... a trip to london this summer. i am... ridiculously ecstatic.

AND THEN JILLS PROM. which was of course amazing. she looked beyond gorgeous. i had SUCH a good time and her friends are all so great and it was just a great night and this morning was really, really great too. :)

yeah. so i have my modern asia comp tomorrow so i have to go take care of that... but just so you know i am... just really, really, really lucky.

I really have to wonder if this is the way it's supposed to be...

2006-05-09T02:41:35Z

David Blane, you failed... yet you are still a hero to so many aspiring street magicians, like myself. Okay, that's not true.

Life is moving. This is new to me. Usually, or in the past at least, it used to be still. Like... the moment would exist for a very long time, and things would not change. I didn;t know where I was going. I was just... pretty aimless, with no plans and no hopes. Maybe to be act, or do something with art... but I had no idea. Though, now with imminent change... well, life is just moving fast. But it's not even moving. It's just occurring. That is the way it should be. And constant change... well, oddly enough, that really scared me... though, now I just realize imminent change, means imminent direction... goals... things that I just want in my life. Things that I even am realizing I need in my life, and that feels good.

So that's just the prelude to my latest collection of thoughts and ideals all induced by this beautiful song I am listening to that has inspired me to write something meaningless.... I say this, because stopping to sit down and write about how much "life" is happening is just kind of... hypocritical.

So, then, I sit the hypocrite tonight as I update my journal, my blog (my house, my crib, my pad) and I feel like I have so much to tell you. Life is among other things- besides moving forward. It is standing still, standing true to offer me the greatest thing I believe it really wants to give us... Life is good. Life is... bringing tremendous amounts of happiness. Now, this happiness comes from clarity. Lately I know where I should be. It's a great feeling.

Things with my friends are wonderful. I just love them. I love the places we go, the things we do, the things we say. I love knowing them, and that they have something so beautiful that they are contributing to the world, and that of course, is simply themselves.

I went to see Steve play a show this weekend. I saw Chris and that was great. We all just had a great time. Guv and I drove back through the woods as the sun was going down and eventually we arrived in the place we seem to always remain, being Fairfield. We drove by Prep. I thought today about the place and how much I am going to miss it. I am. We talked about college, about life. It was a good moment for us. And as great as that could be, things will only get better when for one night, I will be able to see Brendan this Thursday when we all go to the play. There will be Brendan, Trevor, Jill, Brittany, Chris, and Sarah and it will just be... a great group of people. There's no other way to describe that combination. I haven't seen Sarah in a month, but a visit from the Masse will be appreciated.

Oh, and did I tell you? I am dating the most amazing girl. I am. I spent Friday with Jill, and I also spent yesterday with her, too, and I've never loved being with someone as much as I do when I am with her. The more I know her, the more I know that being with her is... right. The more I know her... the luckier I feel. I am so lucky... And... Well, I guess there is no way to convey to you how amazing just being with her makes me feel. All I can tell you is that I so often have to step away from the moment just to realize how lucky I am and how beautiful she is. She is such a beautiful person, and I love the assurance of how I feel, because it is so undeniable, and I love the assurance just that she is there... because that is what I want. I just want her there, and I want to be there for her.

Oh so, from romance, back to friendship, because well what other two things could be more important? I am feeling close to Joe lately. And that makes me happy. I see how serious and passionate he is about acting... and his talent has flourished from all of this, and that to me is inspiring. In four or five years (because I am positive that by that point in my life this will be an absolute possibility) I really want to help him... if it is help that he is needing at the time... because he should be... famous.

Just like so many of my friends. Ha.

And speaking of college, and all of that... I'm so thrilled to just... well, work. I want to work hard. I want to be successful. I want a paid internship the summer after Freshman year, and I want to be working for a real studio by Junior year. The most exciting and inspiring part of all that is... I know it's a real possibility. Maybe I will sell some scripts even before graduation? ...That is if I can write well enough, of course. Or, at least sell some concepts. The thing is... I look at the people who leave Emerson... and I know that this is beyond possible... it's... normal. It's normal for the students there to be successful and to be making a lot of money even before they graduate. Now, money is... of course, most definitely a huge motivation. I mean, I wish it wasn't... but it is. The master design would just be... work in college. Work hard. Do well. Graduate. Receive an entry-level position making 6 figures, because... again... that is pretty normal for what I want to do. Live in Boston for no more than three more years... save... pay off loans... and then find a house... probably here. No... definitely here. Brendan and I have had this conversation many times...and there is no better place than here. So, I will move back... Move back home. Find a home. Buy it. Probably a job in the city... producing the news, or other television shows... NBC? ABC? Hey, sure. Ha. I just want to be successful, be ground breaking... be stable. Have a life, have a family... have that comfort of... home, and a good job, and I just know if I work... If I really decide to work as hard as I possibly can, and I just apply everything I learn... then I can do this. I can do this with ease.

So I guess, these are just a few things that have been on my mind as of late. I am just happy, and I believe things can, and should stay this way for a long time to come. I feel like my dreams are jealous of the life I'm so lucky to be living.

i can safely say that i should have been sleeping the day away

2006-04-28T04:00:09Z

enter: james chapman wakes up at 9 am on thursday april 27, and realizes he has to be at school, in mr tom cunninghams chem class by 940. his mom is no where to be found to give him a hard time or tell him what to do. the sun was up. he wasnt tired. he throws on clothes, his sweatshirt, and he bolts into his elusive, black mitsu. its really warm out. he is pleased. he passes people in the breakdown lane. when he reaches bridgeport and the 20 mile delay that extends all the way to westport, he begins the evasive act of getting off the highway and then getting back on. off and then on. off and then on. this saves him a good 15 minutes. he arrives at prep by 940, and is only 5 minutes late for class... he took his time walking up the stairs. its on the fourth floor. in trouble with tom cunningham? ...the man considers james to practically be his son. the events that follow dont really matter. lunch with good friends. a fire drill. text messaging. abandons plans to play frisbee at the beach on account of the wind. and then driving lazy bums to 7-11 after school, only to meet up later with one jill huber and spend the afternoon with her at a place we like to call pink lemonade. it makes the day more splendid that i ever could have anticipated. ;alfpqwnfpnfrpqf okay so. i have never experienced... this feeling... that i have. just... being so content. knowing that i should be somewhere. its like when were together i know its where i should be. im so happy to just be there. and in every other aspect of my life... well, its just all clicking. i am happy. ridiculously happy. ive never felt this way before. i have never been this happy, this content. i have never before had such an understanding of what ive wanted, or who i wanted to be with, or where, or how... or just. the moment is perfect. the weather is nice. the people are great. and prom/afterprom are really going to just be so much fun. i wish i could better express this. this is the first time in my life that i havent been able to... find the words to express how i feel. and i love it. plakfqpwlefqwfjp;lqwrnfpqw im tired. its late. its bed time. really it is. ludlowe play tomorrow night with jill and brittany and guv. will be cool. if your name is jill huber you probably shouldnt be going away for a whole week again at least for a while because i dont think i could handle that. in other news i had an intense discussion with father ryan about faith. it was really... nice. just nice. affirming/reaffirming. nice. i also registered to vote. look out you crazy people who are voting for your party candidate. i am voting for who i think will do the best job. i have a math test tomorrow. im going to fail. but it doesnt matter. haha. i am quite excited for this weekend. i saw some crazy bethel kids last weekend... chelce, and ben, and kelyn, and nicole. it was good. :) things areee just good. i havent been this happy, i dont think ever. so yeah. you know what are cool? plasma cars. okay so i wanted to clarify what i typed before because this is all very jumbled... jill... things with jill are amazing. and i am usually so restless. theres always something that bothers me. or something more that i want. but with her. thats not happening. i am content. this is more than i could ever want. yeah. shes amazing and im absolutely just the luckiest. ever. ...............okay bed time.

were clever, but were clueless, were just human

2006-04-16T16:24:58Z

So here I am at about 12:30 on Easter Sunday... I'm enjoying my little bag of Cadbury eggs... you know, the kind with the hard shells and the chocolate in the middle... So, so good... And I'm enjoying some relaxing music sung by Jack Johnson brought to me by the mixing abilities of one, Joseph Homza. So all that, and I am just... thinking, as always. I'm thinking that I miss Jill, a lot. I'm thinking that I wish I woke up last night when I wanted to... I am thinking that I love my family so much, and I can't wait for today to start... I am thinking that this week will be really really great, and I can't wait for Brendan to show me his world. Oh, I love the man.

So I have been thinking about Easter too. I feel really good today. I feel good because of what we're celebrating... Now, just hear me out... Whether you believe in Christianity, or God, or the Resurrection... There is still a lot to think about and remember today. When Jesus was alive, he said to his Apostles, "...man hath no greater love than this, to lay down his life for his friends..." And I think that is something to celebrate... Because if you don't believe this man died for you, at least we can assume that he really did die for the benefit of his friends... and so today, if you can't believe this holiday holds any religious significance, just give thanks for your family and your friends and the sacrifices they make for you, and the things you do for them. I think people just need to be appreciated more, and they need to realize how lucky they are, sometimes...

And I am certainly lucky. I have amazing friends... Sean and Ryan; I miss them so much. Sarah; I'm so, so sorry I couldn't see her show, but I am glad she understands and I can't wait to talk to her about everything, and Brendan; I hate Brendan. So, I also hate this girl Jill... because I spent the last two days with her, and she's really nothing special at all... Okay, okay I guess I'm lying. The truth is, I am having such a wonderful time with her, and I'm going to miss her so much while she's away. She's really the most perfect cuddler/kisser ever. It's true... but she's perfect at other things... like talking, and laughing, and impressing my family with the way she dresses haha. They did love her, it's true.

So here I am... On Easter Sunday missing people, and being happy, and just enjoying life a lot. A lot a lot. Oh, and I have an alarm that just doesn't work. :)

time is on your side.

2006-04-13T03:03:17Z

i couldnt resist sitting down at the computer quickly.
im getting so excited about emerson... but not excited in a couple ways too.
right now, im just so tired, and really wish tomorrow could be friday.
i cant wait for friday.
im so excited about next year, but then i get really depressed because i think of how things will be... different. i listen to this song that im listening to right now, though and it makes me feel... good. it says things wont change. because they wont. they wont change for the worst. the song also has a line "time is on your side" and i found myself in the car today saying to myself "wow i really wish time was on my side" but then i realized that it is. i will lose people who are in my life right now. i know that, but i also know that if you make an effort to keep certain relationships with people alive then they will be just fine. just fine. and i am so young and right now there are so many beautiful people who id love to know for the rest of my life and i know that time is really on my side in that sense. because think about all the amazing times and moments that are going to be had down the line. i love it. the proper idealist. thats what i am. :)

so yeah thats it. so excited to see my friends.
so excited for friday.

Q1) Three Names You Go By
1. james
2. jchap
3. james maria garcia puerto rico linton chapman

Q2) Three Parts of Your Heritage
1. french
2. english
3. german

Q3) Three Things That Scare You
1. losing people
2. losing peopleX2
3. getting stuck in an elevator

Q4) Three of Your Everyday Essentials
1. music
2. sun
3. text messaging haha

Q5) Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. argyle socks
2. glasses
3. and ultimate warrior t-shirt that my brother had when he was 11. you think im joking.

Q6) Three of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists--at the moment
1. coldplay
2. dashboard confessional
3. the beatles

Q7) Three of Your Favorite Songs - at the moment
1. amsterdam (live)- coldplay
2. the world turned upside down -coldplay
3. yeah yeah yeah song -the flaming lips

Q8) Three Things You Want in a Relationship (OTHER THAN Love)
1. laughter
2. happiness
3. trust

Q9) Two Truths and a Lie (in no particular order)
1. i once rode on the back of a baby tiger
2. ive backpacked a rainforest more than 20 times.
3. ive set fire to at least 12 boats in my lifetime

Q10) Three Physical Things about the Opposite Sex that Appeal to You
1. sense of humor (thats not physical. suck it)
2. laughter
3. i like really tall girls.

Q11) Three of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. writing
2. reading
3. taking pictures.

Q12) Three Things You want really badly right now
1. friday
2. to be cuddling on my bed with a certain girl right now
3. a hot pocket

Q13) Three Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. england
2. nantucket
3. puerto rico

Q14) Three things you want to do before you die.
1. have a family
2. see the world
3. treat all of my family members to a really great life

Q15) Three people I would like to see take this quiz
john lennon
che guevara
jesus

open hands open eyes

2006-04-09T19:20:46Z

I find myself on this Sunday afternoon, at the tender time of 3 pm, writing a livejournal entry after coming off of three of the best nights I have had in what seems like forever.

So first of all, I just spent the entire morning just downloading... all of this wonderful new music and so that is... euphoric. There is so much I could probably fill up three cds!

Alright so... this past thursday, after much antibiotics, i finally felt better and left new haven with guv and chris and we went to fairfield picked up jill and brittany and went to dashboooard. who i havent stopped listening to until this morning when i got this new music. josh came which was so awesome because i havent seen him much lately and we had such a great time. lets see... dashboard was good, josh rubbed a condom on my face... THAT WAS SWEET... then we fought... we all looked pretty scene... ESPECIALLY jill. and i just had a great time with great people. it was a lot of fun.

the very next night i again went to fairfield and went with jill to amy macphersons birthday party. it was pretty fun... some awkward moments at dinner, definitely, but jills friends are all really really awesome. except for brittany. i hate her. and there were some guys from prep there who were all GENERALLY pretty cool. so then we went to amys house for a little while which was nice and then back to jills for a while before i went home. that was probably the nicest part. i loveee spending time with her, its true.

THEN on saturday she came to my house! and we spent a good 3 hours on my bed talking and cuddling and laughing... a lot. we tend to just laugh which feels amazing. we read paint cans! and she stole my blanket and my fom pillow but i really didnt mind at all. and then my mom came home and jill and i scoped out some hotties with really nice booties and we read letters from harris and watched fresh prince of bel air and cuddled a lot more. she is one alpha gamma bad mamma jamma. i love it.

THEN THEN THEN the night concluded pretty strongly when she got home and we ended up having a pretty necessary and really awesome conversation. and then i woke up to a beautiful day and good music, and i miss my sister. im seeing brendan in a week! and ryan! and sean!(? i hope). good times.

yeah, good times.

TWO FORCES ON AN INEVITABLE COURSE TO DESTRUCTION

2006-04-04T22:08:13Z

THIS IS A STORY OF TWO FORMER YET CURRENT BAND MATES...
...FIRST OF THE DEFUNCT SKAMA SUTRA...
...AND NOW OF THE MOST POPULAR AND AMAZING RAP/HIP HOP/GANGSTER/EMO/NEW WAVE/TECHNO/AMBIENT WOMANIZER
LATELY, HOWEVER, THERE HAS BEEN A RIFT IN THE BAND... BECAUSE OF A... COMPETITION... A RIVALRY... THAT HAS TO DO WITH SOMETHING MUCH BIGGER THAN MUSIC...

I AM TALKING ABOUT FRISBEE.

AND I AM CALLING YOU OUT STEVE DISCENZA.

I CAN DESTROY YOU ANYPLACE... ANYTIME...
WHETHER IT BE MCAULLIFE HILL, THE BEACH, HARRISON HOUSE, OR EVEN DURING THE DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL CONCERT. I BRING THE FRISBEE, AND YOU BRING YOUR BLOOD... BECAUSE... IT WILL... be spilt?

okay okay that last line didnt work out. steve you suck.
i cant believe you are bailing on thursday just because you are scared of me destroying you at flying discs.

a lot needs to be said.

2006-04-03T14:50:28Z

ALRIGHT. massive update probably becaaaause i am sick and i am home from school...

SO... i am going to see dashboard on thursday night and so far it will be myself, and guv, and jill, and brittany, and trevor hawley, and probably trevor fanning, and we are all assured a helderman sighting. i know it. oh its going to be so much fun. BUT ive been trying to listen to dashboard more so that i can remember some of the words but every time i put them on i end up switching to saves the day because i love them so much and i really have forgotten how good they are. oh well...

we last left off with me skipping school... it was followed by friday when i didnt have any school and i went fairfield to meet jill after she got out of school and we went to this deli and got lunch and brought it to this harbor in southport... i was previously told that this harbor was beautiful and...it was. it was a beautiful day and the place was just very nice. so we sat in the grass and ate lunch and then just sat there wrapped up in a blanket and we cuddled and talked for a few hours. oh, we were cute. aaand then friday concluded when we went back to her house for some dinner and project runway and then to her friend katherines house where we graced by certain local celebrity who i will not mention here, and then i took jilly home and it was really a wonderful day/night.

so then on saturday i went to new york with jill and we went to the international center for photography! and we went to columbus circle! and we went to central park! that was my favorite because we just sat and were cute and made fun of basically everyone that walked by us. and then we had jambaaaa it was soooo good. its been so long. OH and we met some great people on the train!

annnyways, then i spent the rest of saturday with my family and that is always nice... sort of. haha. my brother came home yesterday, though, and that was really cool to see him... but it looks like i will seeing him A LOT next year becaaause i will be at emerson which is really exciting. and it will be very easy to come home and visit because he and i were talking about it and i can just take his car. it will work out really nicely. now i need to decided what im going to major in... that will be difficult.

i want to go to puerto rico.
i cant wait for cuse with loya and brendan.
i am actually really excited about this thursday.
my sister is coming home this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!oiwueqfhqw
while i cant wait to see dashboard, im really NOT that excited to see jill. :)

"I went into the woods..."

2006-03-30T22:36:03Z

"...because I wished to live deliberately."

Oh my. What a crazy week.

I went to see this priest talk the other night, at Fairfield U and it was pretty cool, I guess. He talked about his experiences with gang members. I would have payed more attention, but I went with Jill, and couldn't help but make fun of pretty much everyone around us. Haha, and I am not complaining at all. It was wonderful to see her, and it was a very fun night. Yes, yes...

Then I had school on Wednesday. Then class that night.

So that was last night and I woke up so tired this morning. SO tired. I was falling asleep standing up on the subway this morning... it was terrible. So anyways, I am on the train, and I am almost at Fairfield, when I call Billy to see if he will pick me up at the train station. He informs me he is skipping and that I should do the same. I agree, considering we don't have school tomorrow and I wasn't going to really miss anything...

So picks me up and we go to his beach house in Orange. He cooks us some breakfast as I go online and watch TV, when really I should have been in chemistry. Oh it was a wonderful feeling. Then after we ate, we went out to the beach because it was SO beautiful outside and decided we should go kayaking. So we did. And it was beyond amazing haha. We paddled to Milford Harbor and then came back and then just basically fell asleep in the sun as we were just floating. I woke up around like... 12... and I couldnt find him because he had floated pretty far from me... Now, me, being the smart friend that I am, decided he must be okay and I just go back to the beach house. Needless to say, he really was fine, and he came back a little later... So then we went to the mall and went to Panera and I got a bread bowl and it was amazing and it made me kind of miss Jilly a little. Anyways, he pleaded that I go see Inside Man with him, because he really wanted to see it, so I stupidly agreed, and ended up sleeping through most of it... Then he drove me home and here I am. Incidentally I told my mom i had a REALLY great day at school.

So today was very fun, but will probably be a lot more fun is tomorrowww... because I don't have school so I'm meeting Jill when she gets out and we are getting some lunch and then going to the harbor, which is apparently "GORGEOUS". So I am very happy about that because it will be 70 degrees and sunny, and I will be with her. Thennn we will get lots of time to hang out together and I will eat dinner at her house and oh, I am looking forward to tomorrow... very, very, very much. Yes, yes.

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GO TO SYRACUSE FOR SPRING BREAK.
I'M REALLY NOT EXCITED FOR SARAH BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN ACCEPTED TO THE WILLIAMSTOWN THEATRE FESTIVAL!

...oh i don't know where that is, but i want to go visit her.
AND OF COURSE I AM EXCITED.
CONGRATULATIONS SAMMSOLO!

but seriously i don't want to visit Brendan...
...
okay okay that is a huge lie.

i'm going to go take a nap... maybe watch some golden girls on lifetime with my mother...
...it's a good life...