1. How does the world see you? curbside prophet...thats pretty cool

2. Will I have a happy life? the general by dispatch...? haha

3. What do my friends really think of me? lie in our graves...

4. Do people secretly lust after me? take me home country roads...haha what the hell none of these make sense

5. How can I make myself happy? sleep to dream her

6. What should I do with my life? for this one i got "take the power back" by rage against the machine. maybe if you listen closely you can still hear the workers of the world? haha

7. What is some good advice for me? all you need is love (the nirvana cover) okay thats fitting

8. How will I be remembered? thriller by michael jackson.

9. What is my signature dancing song? from now to never by sparta

10. What do I think my current theme song is? mtv makes me want to smoke pot by beck haha

11. What does everyone else think my current theme song is? soul one by blind melon

12. What song will play at my funeral? green by west indian girl...wow haha

13. What type of men/women do you like? jill huber by oar. wow thats a coincidence

14. What is my day going to be like? what if- rx bandits

15. What will tomorrow bring? have yourself a merry little christmas by amy grant. well thats nice :)






IM SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOOOOOOO TIRED

oh man...in short, things are going well.

my classes are getting so much harder and intense. but thats good

a while ago i was feeling the worst i had in a really long time

but things have gotten a lot better. the past few days have been a lot of fun and its a confusing time right now but i know everything will work itself out.

meanwhile...the impossible seems to be happening everyday;

because everyday when i wake up i swear to myself that i am more in love with her than i ever was before.

okay so i was just filling out this huge survey, and then i was like..."this is stupid" i'm just going to write. so here i am. i am listening to this song by the smashing pumpkins that i really loved the fall of sophomore year and its making me miss home so much. i can remember a whole bunch of nights at geoffs house and prep games and spending so much time with brendan and sarah and the whole fantasticks thing...and listening to the beatles with andy and i remember this one day really well...when it was cold and rainy and the trees were tons of different colors and i spent the whole day with my mom. and i really miss her. i really miss everything thats passed, but at the same time i really love where i am.

i dont see where i am physically right now as where i actually am in my life. i feel like my life is really moving forward and this is just a very short interim period between an amazing childhood/incredible teenage years and where i actually belong in life...where ive always belonged.

things come with flaws though, obviously... my roommates can really get to me sometimes. theyre always immature and are always loud and are always obnoxious. and i realize those 3 adjectives can describe very well, but they never stop. they never just act normal, or are quiet, or stop playing video games. today i had the apartment all to myself for a good 3 hours and it was really nice just to relax.

so this weekend jill and i are both going home to visit our moms. she is going home to spend friday with her parents, and im going home friday, too, to surprise my mom for her birthday. she has no idea that im coming, and i cant wait to just walk into the house and see her reaction. i cant wait to just keep her company.

well yeah, so thats where i am. and thats what im up to. i think im going to minor in marketing now, which should be cool.

now tonight i am going to class, then im going to eat a healthy dinner, then study with nick and trevor, then finish my paper, and then talk to my Jilly on the phone, which will be the best part of my day because we will laugh, and she'll ask me what i'm getting her for her birthday and she'll make me smile. which she incidentally already did, because when i texted her and told her that i was frustrated she immediately called me to talk to me, which was really sweet, and she cares about me, and i love her.

and i'm very lucky to be where i am.

Let me start off by saying, I love the Counting Crows.

Let me continue by saying I'm in college now. It's not so bad. I miss home. It really helps me appreciate a lot of stuff from back home being away like this. I do like certain aspects of it a lot. I keep myself extremely busy just by working as much as I can. I'm still the same person. College has not taken that from me, haha. I feel like personally I've already grown a lot in my faith, but...well, yeah. That's kind of hard to convey over Livejournal, though. I see how people let themselves get tested here, though. A friend told me before coming here that it can be extremely trying sometimes and it can really test you, but if you apply yourself then you can grow a lot closer to God, and in my own way, I really think I have.

So there's that... then there is class. I like it. It's interesting.

I really miss my family. I miss little things about home, and even high school.

My roommates are good, but monotonous.

I'm really happy, and fulfilled.

I get to see Jill, and I feel like we're even closer. I miss her a lot when I'm not with her, but it makes those times we're together...just so...completely indescribable. I feel so clearheaded when I'm with her, and I just feel like it's where I'm supposed to be. It finally justifies every strong emotion current I've felt for the girl over the last 6 months. It's so real, and is a rush, and she makes me passionate about... the future...and I see her there...and she inspires me, and I'm rambling, but she takes care of me in her own special way. And I love how people here, who barely know me, see who I am when I'm with her and they understand what we are.

I love her very much, and I just spent an absolutely amazing weekend with her. We spent nights out on the town and hours in stores shopping and I love buying her things and I can't wait to adorn her with little blue boxes one day. Haha.

Oh there's more but it's not as important as any of this, so I believe I'll just go... for now...It's been a while, LJ, but I promise to write more. I do. I promise.

I'm going to miss her so much.

Oh boy... so I have not taken time lately to sit down and collect my thoughts and write, nor have I taken time to lay back and just listen to God... So, that is what I did today...

I did this for a few reasons. The first being that I had the time, but the second reason being much more immediate, and that is I have been feeling so desperate, and helpless, and frantic lately... I needed to gain composure and hold onto something and just figure stuff out.

Everyone has been talking about it, or writing it, or worst of all feeling it... and I have been sitting idly by taking it all in...

Brit left.

This statement is pretty simple, but it holds a lot of value for a lot of people. It was the start of my feeling helpless, and the start of me feeling like I was losing everything that I had built. It all started to unravel... or at least I thought I did...

The fact is six months ago, I had no idea who Brittany Hissey was, so then why does it matter so much? Well... it matters because last March started what I can honestly say has been the best time in my life... ever. This May started what has been the best summer I've ever had... and it's all because of who was there.

I don't think I have ever invested as much seriousness or emotion in relationships as I have this past summer... and the rewards have seemed so endless. So many beautiful, wonderful people have come into my life, and I have realized the worth and value of a lot of people who have always been there who I've never appreciated before... And investing so much has led to finding so much happiness just being with other people.

The fact is... I've been so happy because everything finally clicked.

I feel like my family has grown...

I feel like I have gained this amazing, new group of best friends who I have such an incredible time with... I've really met some really new and amazing people who I refuse to let go of...

I feel like my best friends who have always been there... well, I feel like we are at a point now that is so beyond friendship, and I'm so thankful for them...

I feel like I have found the love of my life, the one person who I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with, the one person who can always make me laugh... and I couldn't ask for more...

I could not ask for more than this, and I feel like in the past I've been to pacified when it's come to friends when we're far apart... Like, I feel like before I would just let things be, and whatever happened, that was fine... But this year it's something different...

I intend to hold onto these people and my relationships with them for as long as I can.

This summer, everything clicked. I know what home is. I know who the people are who make it home. I know where to find home, and I'm never going to leave.

Brit left.
Brendan left today.
Guv will leave on Monday.
Jill will leave next Friday.
I'll leave September 3rd.

We can leave, but knowing where home is... knowing who home is... means we can and will always come back, and I can't wait for that. I love these people, and this place, and that won't change, ever. Nothing will ever replace this place, or the people here...

and I guess the only way to end this is by saying...

Brittany Hissey, you can leave, but the fact that you are my girlfriend's best friend, and you are judging me at a Prep hockey game and seeing if I'm good enough for Jill will never change... and neither will how much I love my girlfriend, all my best friends, and my family, and my home.

I can't wait for a beautiful best friend clique Thanksgiving dinner...

Go to your ipod and put it on shuffle.
Use the song title as the answer to the question.

What do you think of me, itunes?
now youre in heaven -julian lennon


Will I have a happy life?
don't call it a comeback -motion city soundtrack


What do my friends really think of me?
killer rock -aaron katz


Do people secretly lust after me?
curbside prophet (acousticcccc) -jason mraz

How can I make myself happy?
going in the right direction -robert randolph and the family band

What should I do with my life?
staying alive -the beegees...uhhhh...

Why must life be so full of pain?
dont believe -the letter kills

Will I ever have children?
have yourself a merry little christmas -the pretenders
haha oh awesome

Will I die happy?
after dark -le tigre

Can you give me some advice?
for boston -dropkick murphys

What do you think happiness is?
waiting for the sun -the shore

What's your favorite fetish?
everythings cool -lit
...its true...everything being cool is a pretty big turn on.

Best
1. Male friend: Roger, Brendan, Guv
2. Female friend: Jill
3. Vacation: Puerto Rico '04 was pretty crazy
4. Day of the Week: they're all great

Worst
1. Time of day: 4:18 am
2. Day of the Week: ...eh
3. Food: ...authentic mexican
4. Memory: when i swam with dolphins in barbados... it involved honey, leather straps, and a pony costume.

Last
1. Person you saw: Jilly Bean
2. Talked to on the phone: Talking to Jill right now...
3. Text: JILL JILL JILL
4. Imed: yo iza.
5. Messaged over myspace: mike or jill...oh how i love...them.

Today
1. What are you doing now: talking to jill i already told you!
2. Better than yesterday? AW HELL NO. everyday is a good day :)

Tomorrow
1. Is: friday
2. Dislikes about tomorrow: 7pm deal

Favorite
1. Number: 13
2. Song: i am the walrus
3. Color: green or blue
4. Season: i love them all

Currently
1. Missing someone: of course.
2. Mood: tired/missing someoneee
3. Wanting: a hang glider

True or False:

I am a cuddler: true

I am a morning person: false kind of...it depends

I am a perfectionist: im an idealist

I am an only child: sort of

I am currently in my pajamas: false

I am currently suffering from a broken heart: haha TRUE JILL HOW COULD YOU?

I am addicted to myspace: not at all.

I am very shy around the opposite gender: ...i dont feel comfortable

I can be paranoid at times: false

I currently regret something that i've done: dolphins in barbados anyone?

When I get mad (or scared), I swear frequently: ...i dont know

I enjoy country music: false......I LOVE COUNTRY MUSIC. and thats true.

I enjoy jazz music: love it

I love smoothies: i love jambas.

I enjoy talking on the phone: with the right person (ahem, fancy)...not generally though

I have a hidden talent: i can lick my elbow while keeping my legs behind my head

I have a tendency to fall for the "wrong" girl/guy: false.

I have all my grandparents: who?

I have at least one brother or sister: yes.

I have changed a diaper: uhh...hm...uhh,..JILLLLLLLLL COME DO THISSS?

I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor: haha not everyone understands why gavinas are so funny...ill give you that.

I have broken a bone: false

I have changed a lot over the past year: TRUE. and i love it.

I have had major/minor surgery: false

I have had my hair cut within the last 2 months: well just a "dusting" and i dont think ill really get it cut in a while :((((((((((((((((((( <-fat or just sad?

I have had the cops called on me: trueeeee fuck the lapd

8 lasts

8.] last place you were:
on jills bed enjoying junk food and project runway

7.] last cigarette:
london...GROSS.

6.] last beverage:
cherry slurpeeeee

5.] Last movie:
uhh...does a friends dvd count?

4.] last phone call:
trevor hawley asking me if i could get him so pot

3.] last song played:
attention attention by the academy is...

2.] last BUBBLE bath:
this afternoon...some sparkling lemonade...chocolate...vanilla bubbles...some jazz...and an issue of gq. you think im kidding...

1.] last time you cried:
well almost yesterday when a certain someone decided to use the upstairs bathroom at a certain someones house


[[[[7 have you evers]]]]

7.] have you ever dated someone twice:
uhh stupidly haha

6.] have you ever cheated on anybody:
no...only in dreams when i apparently have sex under taxi cabs in new york city. hey dont ask me...

5.] have you ever kissed someone:
oMg!! *yesSsSs* ...mArCh 18, 2oo6 wz mAh fIrSt rEaL kIsSsS. *LuV u bAbii*

4.] have you ever kissed someone and regreted it:
whoooo. well not at the time i guess... but in retrospect, hey sure... yes.

3.] have you ever lost someone:
yes...i actually lost them too. i used to have a little brother and we went to the mall...and he got away and...i was busy in aeropostle and...i have no regrets.

2.] have you ever been depressed:
i listened to smashing pumpkins once. that kind of sucked.

1.] have you ever been drunk and thrown up:
uh, i dont drink.

[[[[6 things you've done today]]]]


1.] your mother..........'s hair. i work at a salon now.
2.] made a bad joke in a livejournal survey.
3.] changed my voicemail
4.] kissed the most wonderous girl in the world
5.] watched almost 3 hours of project runway
6.] sat watching dr. phil with my girlfriends mom and the most amazing little dog in my lap...im totally crushing...on dr phil...and benny...and jills mom.


5 places you've been today

1.] 7-11
2.] cumberland farms
3.] J-I-L-L's
4.] the christmas tree shop
5.] the hottest bedroom of all time...ooooh ;)


[[[[4 people i couldn't live without]]]]

1.] THE DANCE GURL
2.] Bazzle McMazzle
3.] Rojalio
4.] the end. i cheated.


[[[[3 favorite colors]]]]

1.] green
2.] kind of a sea foam green. (marina?!? oh where have you gone, my love?!?)
3.] McMorrow Black. ...the beautiful stallion shade of black that graces their heads...


[[[[2 things i want to do before i die]]]]

1.] get married...to j.l....no not myself!
2.] have (maybe a dozen) kids
(wow brit...soulmates?!? sorry im taken.)


[[[[so far in 2006 i have...]]]]

*i dont like just checking these with x's

[fuck the lapd] been to school
[BRITTANY HISSEY?!? JOE?!?] made a new friend
[ ] fallen out of love
[ ] done something you swore never to do
[I never lie] lied
[I KNOW DAT WHEN IM IN DA COORT ROOM...UH LEGAL OFFICE] laughed until you cried
[ ] stole something
[oh mrs chapman] went behind your parents back
[shes anorexic, not deaf.] hidden a secret
[ ] pretended to be happy
[ ] got arrested
[ ] kept your new years resolution
[ ] forgot your new years resolution
[His name is Benny] met someone who changed your life
[And what a great outlook it is] changed your outlook on life
[Oh its the best...especially when in the right company] sat home all day doing nothing
[soup and crushed goldfish mixed with milk looks like the real thing] pretended to be sick
[ ] almost died
[ ] lost someone
[ ] been to the hospital
[I like to put up emotional barriers] gotten close to someone
[ ] streaked
[ ] cried over a breakup
[ ] cried over losing someone
[ ] broken up with a gf or bf
[ ] given up something important to you
[ABOUT FOOD WAY INTO THE AM] talked on the phone all night
[I burn easily] learned something new about yourself
[East rolls?] tried something you normally wouldn't try
[Thx gUrLiEs] found out who your true friends were
[everyday i do] made a total fool of yourself
[psssssh i guess...AWWWW YOU GUYSSSS!] met great people
[i dont drink. and brendan and i didnt go to england] gotten really drunk
[me? never.] missed someone


[[[[Random Questions]]]]

Q 01: is there a person who is on your mind right now?
A 01: nnnnnn...yes.

Q 02: where is the last place you went?
A 02: to the bathroom. right here. i peed all over myself in front of the computer.

Q 03: who is the last person you called?
A 03: my mooooom

Q 04: who do you love more, your mom or dad?
A 04: what a really terrible question to ask someone.

Q 05: do you have any siblings?
A 05: THE BEST THE BEST...STEPH AND KRISTA! ...oh wait...wait...

Q 06: do you smile often?
A 06: do most dogs have a particular muscle in their shoulders that really arouses me? the answer is...yes.

Q 07: do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?
A 07: probably only mike... no one else.

Q 08: do you wish on stars?
A 08: ONLY WHEN IM CARRYING MOON BEANS HOME IN A JAR HAHAHAHA I MEAN RIGHT? what the fuck are moon beans. ive never seen a shooting star :(

Q 09: do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?
A 09: nope.

Q 10: when did you last cry?
A 10: tears are running down my face right now

Q 11: do you like your handwriting?
A 11: its pretty sexy.

Q 12: are you a friendly person?
A 12: im kind of a weird sarcastic asshole...in an oddly bumbling, charming, cute, british way.

Q 13: who's bed did you sleep in last night?
A 13: aishas.

Q 14: what color shirt are you wearing?
A 14: white

Q 15: do you have any pets?
A 15: Jilllll grrrrr.

Q 16: what is the color of your bedsheets?
A 16: cream colored. we keep it safe...WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT

Q 17: What were you doing at 9 last night?
A 17: uh...having an involved discussion about tiara girls with jill

Q 18: I can't wait until..
A 18: mY dReAm cRuSh kIsSeS mE iN dA rAiN

Q 20: look to your right. what's there?
A 20: a robert frost poem, a beatles calendar, mirrors, a picture of sean and brendan on the beach...

Q 22: ever cried yourself to sleep?
A 22: yes, im a teenage girl (britt sorry i kept yours...it just really fit well)

Q 23: ever cried on your friend's shoulder?
A 23: no...BUT I DONE SUMMIN ELSE ON MAH FRIENDS SHOULDA!!!!! ...uh...

Q 25: are you normally a happy person?
A 25: im the fucking hegemony of this category, alex.

Q 26: has anyone ever said 'i love you' to you?
A 26: ...no. :'(

Q 27: is your self-esteem extremely low?
A 27: i binge eat like a teenage girl sometimes and sometimes i feel like i have really low pigment count and you know what? im okay with that.


[[[[RED;;anger:]]]]

1. Are you currently mad at someone?:
sTaVen vs NuRtH HaVeN yo.

2. Which of your friends has the worst temper?:
theyre all pretty mild mannered...

4. Does your face turn red when you're angry?:
um no.

5. When you're mad do you prefer to stare angrily or yell and scream?
i usually take my clothes off and run around singing billy idol. to each his own.


[[[[ORANGE;; excitment:just not sexually]]]]

1. Has anyone ever thrown you a suprise party?:
OMG YES. two years ago and it was off the hook because brendan and guv are awesome.

2. Are you easily excited?:
easily aroused? yes. and how do i fix that? thinking about my eighth grade teacher coughing mucus up.

3. What event is coming up that your most excited about?:
dressing in my moms clothes when im done with this survey

4. Which of your friends gets you the most exciteable?:
hehehehehehehe

5. If you won a million dollars what would be your first thought?:
investmennnntsssssss

6. If you could have anything right now what would it be?:
ronald reagan back in office

[[[[YELLOW;; self discovery:]]]]

1. Name?: James...this isnt a new discovery

2. Where were you born?: new haven. okay? i said it. new haven. im still not discovering anything new

3. What's your main goal(s) in life?: have a nice little house, get married...to jill...have some cute kids...send the boys to prep...live in fairrrfield... have a good job...just a simple happy life. more than anything...just be with the one i love.

4. Do you want to have children?: do you know who i am?

5. How do you want to die?: happy, relaxed...taking it easy...knowing it was better than i could have ever asked for... assured about my...future...and my family's welfare. when im old. then cremated... no funeral...just a memorial service with really upbeat music and dancing and comedians... i want people to laugh. then one day i want my family to just be talking about me...with smiles on their faces...no tears...and i want them to just decide to take my ashes...get in the car.,..and find a nice. beautiful place...one that reminds them of me...and i want them to scatter my ashes and always go back there when they want to find me... yeah i thought this out haha.

[[[[GREEN;; opinions:]]]]

1. Sex before marriage?: whats that?

2. Gay Marriage?: blinking cursor...blinking cursor...

3. Lowering the drinking age?: america has such a distorted view of alcohol...its a lost cause...

4. Capital Punishment?: against

5. Abortion?: ideally against

6. Recycling?: eh.


[[[[BLUE;; dreams:]]]]

1. What was your latest dream?:
okay so... jill and her family lived in my house instead of hers...and i was staying with them...but then her dad told me i had to leave...so i went to prep...where i was welcomed with open arms! and they let me give tours of the school... and i was giving a tour to this couple...but found out they had a daughter...who was deaf... but it was okay because this year we were taking a specialized class of ten people as an experiment... but then the parents started bashing prep...the more i talked it up...and i got really pissed off...and i started naming off people they should talk to...and they were shooting them all down...and i was so mad...but then i said they should go find a guy named mr fanning...and they stopped and said other people told them that too...and they stopped bashing and i felt good and i woke up.

2. Which of your friends do you dream about the most?:
uh...jill

3. Have any of your dreams come true?:
do i look like a princess yet?

4. Do you usually remember your dreams?:
yeah mostly

5. What was the weirdest dream you've ever had?:
i still remember this one nightmare i had when i was really little and it still scares the shit out of me...

[[[[PURPLE;; love:]]]]

1. Straight, Gay, Bi?:
well everyone its official...im straight.

2. Do you have a bf/gf?:
i guess...i dont really know what to call it...YES OF COURSE AND SHE IS THE MOST AMAZING GIRL EVER.

3. Do you have a crush?:
besides mike sang? KIDDING. ive had a crush on jill since she drove up in harriet looking cute in her blue and white striped shirt... and new jeans...with the cuffs at the bottom...and the big necklace. ah yes i remember it well

4. Who is the best hugger you know?
the girl who works behind the counter at pink lemonade

5. Do you believe in Love at first sight?:
yes <3......................HAHAHAHAHA. actually...maybe? i mean...whatever it is...you can definitely be completely guided and drawn towards a single person.

6. Have you ever been in love?:
oh have i?!?!?! see...there is this girl jill, who im in love with...and im the luckiest guy in the world.

ill write more soon, but just for now...

jill came over tonight...we ordered a feast from dominoes and watched friends on dvd for the whole night while we just cuddled on the couch and spent time with each other and laughed and told each other stories... and we just...

...my girlfriend is better than yours.

well well well... i really didnt know how this entry will turn out, so im just going to write...and we can start with...i have been thinking a lot of the laramie project lately. really missing it. thats weird... but i heard chariot the other day, and then once again tonight and i just really liked the way it was done. the truth is i really miss trevor, and not having ms masse around really can hit you hard sometimes... but trevor is as always doing his own thing and sarah is having a blast where she is and i couldnt be happier for her. i really couldnt.

and then brendan of course. i miss him...

hes a bastard. he makes $15 an hour for eating ice cream and watching movies.

oh but i love him. i miss stupid little things. i miss my auto shottie spot more than anything. thats a lie. i miss running my fingers through his black hair...uh..i mean jills black hair. yeah. uhhh...

so speaking of the little princess haha... someone came over tonight looking quite cute. actually... she was beyond cute... she got her haircut and looked so pretty :)

so we went for an absolutely excellent seafood dinner... talked about christianity...

and then came home for a little thing i like to call the world series of pop culture.

we also did some talking too... and thinking about it makes me really happy... it just feels good. have you ever felt...so amazing that its indescribable... just because you know a person...and just because they are in your life? the thing is...its just something that i know. i know we are meant to be... and everything we talked about tonight just made me feel really good. thinking about it...makes me want to write something beautiful... it makes me want to write something that the world will read and suddenly say to themselves "thats incredible"... or just realize we are in love and realize how deep it goes. its beyond a relationship, and feels like she is just a part of me... now...i want to write those things... but then i think to myself and i really dont need to. i particularly care what the world knows about she and i...all i really care about is just that i know how she feels and she knows how i feel and were together... i just love and want to make her happy and grow with her and take care of her...and to find someone who inspires feelings like that, well thats something that you hold onto. i love what we have and i love...her.

haha baby its going to be easier than...arriana. :)

the lost entries... now published:

alright xjournal you stupid fucking application you totally screwed me over with all the entries ive been trying to write... so tomorrow i will post all the post-london entries that were FOR SOME REASON SAVED AS DRAFTS!...?!?!?!?!?!?

ALRIGHT CHECK IT...

jilly is home. and im the happiest man in the world.

ever since shes been home things have just been... better.

the first day she was home was great and then we went to care and brits party which was really really awesome and then jill just came over for the night

and it was just such a great amazing night.

i cant describe how wonderful it is just being with her and knowing shes in my life.

and im really excited for so many reasons about this weekend...I SURE HOPE JILL HAS THE TICKETS.

oh dearrrrr... i had quite the day.

JILL IS HOMEEEEEEE. :D :D :D

SHE IS READING THIS...AND SHE IS HOME. FINALLYYYYYY AND SOON WE WILL BE TALKING ON THE PHONE AND I HAVE WAITED FOR THIS FOR SO LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

so...lets see...today i went to fairfield... met guv and brendan... listened to techno... drove around looking for seafood... ate at joes...saw joe...he looked like a begger... his beard is nice and he ate our bread. it was sad. i wish he couldve stayed though because i really miss him a lot, but oh well... his show will be soon! and then rob morton sat down with us... and wouldnt leave... so that was... cool.

and then we went and visited garvey! and i saw andrewwww! aw i miss little garvey. hahaha. anyways... we brought sean ice cream and it was good to see him for once in the summer because that doesnt usually happen. i hope he feels better though. he seemed okay, except for the purple spots on his body... but those were just sharpie. and then beth made us an exquisite meal and we dined and then brendan brought guv home and i stayed in ffld until he came back and we went to starbucks and just sat there and talked untillllll guess who walked in... WHY IT WAS MIKE AND BRIT! haha so that was really cool and unexpected and i got to see myyyyyy michael. i miss him. :(

and then brendan and i had a really, really good... long talk... and it was worthwhile and felt good to just... well finally talk. and i love him. hes my family. and i know hell be around for the rest of my life and im so thankful for that. i really am.

and now im going to go get in bed and wait for someoneeeee to call :) because i need to be up early tomorrow to go welcome... someoneeeeeee... back home. :D im so excited.

i cant sleep.

this sucks.

..........salkjfaewljflakjnf

hahaha. oh man. okay i had such... SUCH a good day.

i went to fairfield and drove around and got really nostalgic for prep... and also for... well, jill... because it just didnt feel right being there without her. and while that was in my head... i proceeded to pick ms. sarah soldano and WE proceeeeeded to have a really wonderful time. the weather was kind of crappy so we just sat in las vetas and talked and then we drove around and i gave her a little bit of a tour but mostly we just talked about life... and the future. and i really really love it haha. i dont know... its nice to know shell be around next year because we talk really easily and she understands the things i want to have in life. she understands them really well... and it was just funny and really exciting to start to plan everything out.........yeah okay. we're dorks. but i really just liked talking about it. i dont know. we talked about so much... and it just broadens the perspective of whats important when it comes to the future. there is the house, and the cars, and the names... but then there is the home, and the way you get there, and the kids. all seemingly the same, but all so different. i dont know... it felt good to talk about so much especially with someone who understands, or is at least likeminded. we talked about politics a little too... which we didnt really agree so much on. haha. we talked about baird!

BAIRDO I MISS YOU AND YOUR FRO. please come home, and by home i mean ct.

i told sarah about jill too... i told her all about jill... and i kept telling her... and telling her... and telling her...and then i talked some more. but shes a good listener and didnt mind, and it made me miss her, but it felt good to talk about us like that.

AND THEN THEN THEN... we went to athena and met brendan and jeff and guv... and just laughed constantly... and then i parted ways with ms. sarah and went to see pirates with the guys. the movie sucked. like... was terrible. such a piece of shit. and beyond that i felt so tired the whole time. i enjoyed laughing with guv though and also jeffs commentary was a nice touch. ah and hopefully tomorrow will be a great day full of seafood and the devil wears prada! goodnight.

well i am finally sleeping healthily. i miss being london sort of.
i had so much more freedom there. its weird.

anyways... tonight i hung out with tim and tory and that was really cool. i really enjoyed seeing tim for the first time in a month... since graduation because hes been grounded for so long. all we did was go to the mall but still it was fun. we talked about a lot. apparently billy has gone absolutely insane... shouldve seen it coming. what else? well we decided to re-establish movie monday once fanning is home from wherever he is. it was really good to see him... ive missed him a lot.

ive also really really missed jill. just... we can only text and its so minimal and not having her around these past two weeks has hit me so hard. like so hard. it just hurts without her there. she is so important to me and i really really miss having her in my life. i dont know. i just cant wait for her to come home, even though i know this is a really really great experience for her...and i know she is really enjoying it, and that makes me so happy. it really really does, because i want her to take so much away from this trip... but i just really really miss having her there to play the radio game and watch mtv and cuddle and kiss and just laugh. oh i miss her laugh. i miss it so much.

oh man what a day.

i cant get this sleep thing down.

and i had a very interesting lunch today. which... was just... well, productive.

very productive and inspiring.

and that is really all that happened today...

OH

EXCEPT FOR ONE LITTLE THING....

lets just say... my BEAUTIFUL girlfriend decided to play one of the most terrible tricks on me ever... from thousands of miles away. hahaha i laughed very hard and couldnt believe it but she really is amazing for pulling it off... shes good. oh i miss her. i miss her an awful lot. and its like 7 and im ready for bed because to me it is like 12 something. night kids.

oh my god im so tired, and so happy to be home. im still on london time which has me absolutely exhausted. london was amazing. i mean, it reiterated the fact that i love home... but it was still amazing. the place was so clean, and so safe, and the people were so nice. also the city is just... beautiful. the architecture is amazing. we lack the historical significance that they have. we saw it all though... buckingham palace, the tower of london, piccadilly circus, trafalagar square (my favorite), the london eye, the national gallery... everything. i really missed home. i oddly missed my mom which was strange haha but whatever... i had a great time just being there with my family though. id say we all had a lot of fun. definitely. the national gallery had painting by da vinci and van gough and monet and it was just beyond anything ive ever experienced before. really so amazing. and the world cup madness. oh my god. amazing. rooney got screwed.

so now i am home, sleeping in my own bed, in air conditioning which is like nothing else in the world. i havent really been doing anything over the past few days at all either... except sleeping because i dont know why but for some reason the time difference is really kicking my ass. anyways. i do actually miss carrie, and roger, and brendan, and even kfed a lot. its weird... you know spending a week with them... you just get used to them being around to talk to.

speaking of people not being around jill is in mexico.

yeeeeeeeeeah.

that doesnt exactly make things very easy because i havent seen her in over a week! i miss her so much... ugh its really bad. it was fine when i was occupied... well no, thats not true because i was still thinking about her all the time... but now its like... there is nothing to do but miss her and think about her and i just cant wait until she is home. i really dont ever remembering missing anyone this much in so long. comeee homeee.

okay. im going to go nap. cheers everyone

these guys are so under-rated.

yesterday i saw jilly, of course. we spent time just playing sudoku which is the best time in the world... and then we talked for a few hours at starbucks... it was nostalgic of chat and chew... full of those moments when you have to take a step back and realize how lucky you are to be sitting with that person. AND THEN WHO DO YOU THINK WALKED IN?!? it was mike and brit! it was so exciting and we all sat and talked and laughed. that was awesome. and then we went to carolines, where the fun continued... but we talked about all driving up to boston for a day to visit mike, and then us all going to 6 flags and that would really be such a great time... but now onto today...

today was wonderful... it was a day that meant so much and was full of what i thought were so many beautiful moments. it was the epitome of how in love we are. it embodied everything we feel for each other. today from 9 am to almost 12 am i spent the entire day with my best friend, and my girlfriend, and the girl i love more than anything. we spent time laughing and talking and sharing the most special things and looking at houses and just enjoying each other. no one has ever done this in my life before. god has brought this woman to me and everything about her is amazing. i have never felt so understood or comfortable or... just happy to be with someone else...and i am. i am so happy. nothing can compare to the time we spend together.

nothing.

and now i am doing last minute for London, England. I mean this has been... a dream of mine for my entire life. It will be a wonderful trip... but I am going to miss you... but everything will be okay and we will all be home soon and we will spend amazing time together. In actuality... the best of the summer has yet to even happen, and nothing makes me smile more than that... well except for this one tall girl, but besides her... NOTHING MAKES ME SMILE AS MUCH AS THAT.

okay.

jill, i love you.
i love you so much.
:)

cheers, america.